A Parent’s Guide to Supporting Youth Athletes

Parenting isn’t for the faint of heart, and being a sports parent? That’s a whole other ballgame. When my oldest son was born, I half expected a step-by-step guide to pop out with him. Instead, my wife, Kate, and I had to wing it. We stumbled through the “we’ll never do what our parents did” phase… and then ended up doing exactly that.

After raising three boys, logging over 30 years as a coach (and the last chunk of that as a mental performance coach), I’ve picked up a few lessons—mostly from trial and error. If you pick up 1 tip from reading this then this article was worth the effort..

The Many Hats of a Sports Parent

As a sports parent, you’ve got roles to play—coach, cheerleader, teacher, snack-bringer, Uber driver, and sometimes amateur therapist. Here are ways to wear those hats a bit better:

1. Be a Role Model

Your kids are watching you. Always. It doesn’t matter what you say; what you do carries more weight. If you’re preaching good sportsmanship but yelling at the ref, your message won’t land. Walk the talk. They’ll follow your lead faster than your words.

2. Be a Patient Teacher

Repetition is part of the job. You’ll say the same lessons over and over until you’re sure they’re not listening—but one day, they’ll surprise you with an “Ah-ha!” moment. And yes, they’ll probably present it as if they came up with it themselves. 

Later, as their experience grows, you’ll find the tables may turn. They’ll start teaching you. Embrace it—it’s a beautiful thing.

3. Be Their Biggest Supporter

Unconditional love is the foundation. Avoid tying your support to their performance. Whether they scored the winning goal or missed every shot, your support should stay steady. Kids are smart—they’ll sense if your approval wavers. Consistency builds confidence.

4. Be a Guide, Not a Dictator

When they’re younger, you need to call the shots to keep them safe. But as they grow, they need room to make decisions and learn from their choices. I learned the hard way with my oldest, often dictating instead of advising. By the time my second and third came along, I shifted to listening more, asking more questions, and letting them own their choices (and consequences).

5. Be a Builder-Upper

Sports—and life—can tear kids down. You’re there to build them back up. When they’re younger, rewards like ice cream after a game can work wonders (extrinsic motivation). But long-term, focus on helping them find their internal motivation. When they’re driving their own “bus,” they’ll go much further.

Tips for Helping Your Child Thrive

Want to set your child up for success in sports and beyond? Try these strategies:

• Stay Positive. Teach them to focus on what they can control. Help them build positive self-talk—remind them that their thoughts are like seeds: positive ones grow flowers; negative ones grow weeds.

• Celebrate Effort, Not Talent. Be specific with your praise. Instead of, “Great job,” say, “I loved how hard you worked to chase down that ball in the second half.” Praising effort leads to growth.

• Teach Resilience. Struggles and failures are part of the process. Teach them to embrace adversity—it’s what makes success meaningful.

• Encourage Healthy Competition. Play board games, card games, or even backyard soccer. Let them experience both winning and losing. It’s the struggle that builds grit.

• Focus on Process, Not Results. Wins and losses are fleeting. Emphasize improvement, effort, and growth over outcomes.

Pitfalls to Avoid

Even the best intentions can lead us astray. Here are some common traps and how to avoid them:

• Comparing Your Child to Others. This only builds insecurity. Every kid is on their own path and timeline.

• Being Their Harshest Critic. Instead, use the “sandwich method”: start with a compliment, give constructive feedback, and end with encouragement.

• Overstepping as a “Sports Agent.” Let the coaches coach and the players play. And as hard as this is, let the Refs ref. It’s their game, not yours.

• Sideline Coaching. Cheer from the sidelines, but avoid giving instructions during the game—it’s distracting.

• Post-Game Analysis. (PGA)-Skip the post-game lecture on the car ride home. Let them decompress instead.

Life Lessons Through Sports

Sports are about more than the game—they’re a microcosm of life. Your child will learn teamwork, perseverance, accountability, and how to handle both success and failure. These lessons will serve them well, far beyond the field or court.

As a sports parent, your ultimate goal isn’t to raise the next superstar athlete—it’s to help your child grow into a confident, resilient, and happy person. True happiness comes from within. Your job is to guide, support, and love them unconditionally while they figure it out.

So, remember, parenting—like sports—isn’t about perfection. It’s about showing up, doing your best, and helping your kids do the same. And maybe, just maybe, enjoying the ride along the way.