Don’t Let The Uncontrollables Control You

One of the biggest challenges we see negatively impacting students, athletes, and business professionals is their focus on uncontrollables: the things they cannot change.

A key tool for mental toughness and peak performance is learning to control the controllables and let go of the rest.

Understanding Uncontrollables

In sports, business, and life, there are countless things outside our control. Some examples include:

Sports Uncontrollables:

• The crowd/parents

• Opponents

• Teammates

• Referees

• Field or court conditions

• Weather

• Equipment malfunctions

• Coaches' decisions

• Injuries

• Substitutions

Business Uncontrollables:

• Quotas

• Hang-ups

• Being ghosted on emails

• Customer rejection

• Customer attitude

• Team members' actions

• Your boss’s mood or comments

• Assigned tasks

• Mandatory meetings

• Reports and deadlines

Home/Life Uncontrollables:

• Parents' opinions

• Spouse’s comments

• Siblings’ remarks

• Homework assignments

• Chores

• Family obligations

• Waiting in the car

• Getting sick

• Missing an event for a family commitment

There are so many uncontrollables in our daily lives. But the one thing we can control is ourselves—our effort, attitude, and response (E-A-R). These are choices, and choosing wisely makes all the difference.

Effort – A Daily Choice

Effort is one of the most powerful things you control. It is a consistent choice that leads to incredible growth.

Effort should be directed toward the right things—the things that truly move the needle. There’s a saying:

“It’s not how much time you put in; it’s what you put into the time.”

For example:

• You can sit at your desk for two hours scrolling the web, or you can dive deep into a project and lose track of time because you’re so focused.

• On the basketball court, you can casually shoot around or intentionally work through a set of drills designed to improve a specific technical part of your game.

Attitude – A Perspective Shift

Your attitude is like a lens—it affects how you see and interpret everything that happens to you.

Do you look for the lesson in a loss? Do you see failure as feedback for improvement? That’s a positive, growth-focused attitude.

On the other hand, you can also choose to:

• Find fault in everything

• Make excuses for mistakes

• Dwell on negativity

Either way, it’s a choice. There’s an old Native American story about two wolves: one represents positivity, growth, and kindness, while the other represents negativity, fear, and doubt. The grandson asks his grandfather, “Which wolf wins?” The grandfather replies, “The one you feed.”

Which wolf are you feeding?

Response – The Game Changer

Things happen to us all the time, but how we respond determines our outcome. And once again, this is our choice. 

Stuff just happens. It’s never what happens to us that is the critical issue. It’s what you do next in your response that’s the game changer.

E + R = O

Event + Response = Outcome

And If you put space between the E (event) and R (response), you give yourself time to make a better decision. When you control your response, your outcome is usually much more favorable.

Thoughts – Somewhat Controllable

Our thoughts can be random or off-task, but we can train our minds to focus on what serves us best.

Ask yourself:

• What am I choosing to focus on? (+ or -)

• Is this thought helpful right now?

• Is this thought relevant to what I’m doing?

• Is this thought about something controllable or uncontrollable?

Awareness of your thoughts is the first step to mastering them.

Let Go of the Uncontrollables

If you don’t let go of the uncontrollables, they will control you instead.

Key Takeaways:

1. Effort – My effort today is a choice.

2. Attitude – How I choose to see things is a choice.

3. Response – Stuff happens, but my response I CHOOSE determines my outcome.